Short jokes

What do Viagra And Disney Land have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two minute ride!!

Q: Why do woman get their belly buttons pierced?
A: So they have a place to hang a air freshener!

Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!
Q:What is the difference between a huband and a boyfriend?
A:About 45 minutes !!

How can you tell a blonde is having a bad day?
When she has a tampon behind her ear and can't find her pencil

I wish Martians would conquer the earth and make us their pets, I could really use a new flea leash. The one my wife uses is getting pretty darn short.

Frank Sinatra, "Old Blue Eyes," has died... Frank will now be known as "Old Closed Eyes."

What weighs eight pounds and won't be plucked next Christmas?
John Denver's Guitar.

WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1987 World Hide and Seek Champion.

Did you hear about the Blind man that went Bunjee jumping?
Scared the hell out of the dog.

What did the impatient helicopter say to its clumsy mechanic?
"Chop chop."

What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone except you.

What do you call a depressed 60 pound weakling?
A sour cream puff...