Language Goofs from Church Bulletins

These are actual clippings from church newsletters. How boring they'd be if they had been proofread:

*Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

*Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

*Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

*Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

*Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

*Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help.

*Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

*At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

*Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

*Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

*The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

*For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

*The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

*This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

*Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

*The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

*Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

*The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

*Due to construction all babies will be baptized in the rear.

*Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please, use large double door at the side entrance.

*The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"